Fear of Softness - A Huntress Wizard Origin Story
by WizardWatson
Summary: After a run in with a jerk ex-boyfriend, Huntress Wizard tells Finn the story of how she became a wizard. Set shortly after the events of the finale. FinnxHuntress Wizard content. Content Warning: Violence, alcohol, sexual themes, death
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Finn nocked an arrow to the bow and, with a sigh, prepared to try again. The wooden target set up across the field might as well have been on Mars for all his ability to hit it. He was uncomfortably aware of Huntress Wizard sitting on the grass just a few feet away, hands folded beneath her chin. She said nothing, but Finn could feel the weight of her attention, hyper-focused on his every mistake.

He tried to clear his mind. The first step of archery was to clear one's mind. He drew the bowstring, closed one eye, clumsily tapped the arrow back against the arrow rest. He sighted down the shaft of an arrow, took a breath, held it. He loosed the arrow, and it swerved uselessly into the dirt. The string, meanwhile, struck painfully against his non-cybernetic arm.

"Gah! Ballzacks!" Finn cried.

He rubbed the inner side of meat arm, now covered in bruises.

"You're still holding it wrong," said Huntress Wizard.

She stood up in one fluid motion and moved closer. She stood behind Finn and guided his arms into the correct position.

"You have to bend your elbow a little bit, like this."

Her voice was completely monotone, as usual. If she felt any frustration or impatience, she didn't show it. Finn was grateful for that, at least. She levitated the fallen arrow out of the ground and back into Finn's hand. She stepped back.

"I gotta hand it to you, Huntress Wizard, this is a lot harder than you make it look. How long did it take you to learn this?" said Finn.

"I dunno. I've had a bow in my hand since I was five…"

She looked away, as if lost in thought. Then she shrugged, and smiled.

"Thanks for coming to hang out with me, though. I know you've been really busy with work, lately."

"Tell me about it," said Finn.

The past three weeks had a been a blur of activity. There was no shortage of things to rebuild, or rubble to clear away, or opportunistic criminals and monsters to track down. The Gum War, the battle with Golb, being fitted with yet another new arm; just thinking about it was enough to make him tired.

The setting sun didn't help, either. Finn yawned and stretched.

"You know, as much as I love hanging out with you, I also like getting good at stuff. I'd like to be able to practice my bow-game on my own time," he said.

"Hmm, we'll have to get you your own bow. I don't want to lose track of that one," she said.

"Do you even need it, though? You're magic!"

"True," she said, as she levitated the bow and arrow back to her own hands, "but a normal bow is great when you need to save spells. That and, well...this one belonged to my mother."

Finn could sense painful memories, so he did not ask her to elaborate.

"Well, it's getting late. I should get going."

"You're welcome to stay the night," said Huntress Wizard.

Her voice contained a barely perceptible note of pleading. Finn grimaced.

"I dunno, H-Dubs. Lady Rainicorn's making meatloaf tonight, and uh, no offence, but your pad is a little...rustic."

"I understand."

She moved closer and they embraced.

"I should fix this old place up, now that I'm dating a normie," she muttered.

They kissed, and she stood back.

"Hey, if you want to get a bow, some of the other hunters are having an archery tournament next weekend," she said.

"An archery tournament? Aw, crabapples, no way I'll be good enough for that by then."

"No, I mean, there'll be guys selling bows there. You know, hunters buying bows for their kids, and stuff. I could take you."

"Rad! I'll see you then, I guess. Later, Huntress Wizard!" Finn said, as he turned and began to walk away.

"Good night, Finn! Try not to get eaten by a grue!" Huntress Wizard called after him.

"Ha ha! No promises!"

With that, he moved from the clearing to the trail that led through the woods.

* * *

A week came and went, and on Saturday morning Huntress Wizard arrived at Lady Rainicorn's house. He bid farewell to Jake and Lady, and they set off to the archery tournament.

They walked in silence. Huntress Wizard seemed strangely moody, as if something was bothering her. Finn wanted to ask her if something was wrong, but hesitated. Finn wondered if he might have done or said something to annoy her. That, and Huntress Wizard was pretty reserved in general. Perhaps it was nothing. Thus they walked the whole way, Finn carefully sifting through his memories of the past week.

The archery tournament took place in a clearing at the edge of the forest, a short walk south of the village of green mutants. There were two long rows of pavillion tents down either side of the fairgrounds. At the very end, wooden stands had been erected in the shade of the trees. Amid those stands were the rows of targets, and the boxes from which the competitors fired at them.

Already the tournament was underway. The fairgrounds were bustling with people, most of them green or blue-skinned mutants, though some skeletons, goblins, robots, and other, rarer kinds. Most seemed to be hunters themselves, given their sturdy, earth-toned clothing and bows and arrows. Others wore more vibrant colors and elaborate costumes: minstrels, entertainers, and merchants who had assembled to hawk their wares. The air was filled with music, chatter, and occasional raucous cheering.

"Mathematical!" Finn said, looking about in approval, "Look at all these hunters! I didn't know you guys knew how to party!"

Huntress Wizard, however, seemed gloomier than ever. She walked with a hunch to her shoulders and her hood pulled far forward, casting her face in shadow.

"Whatever. Let's just get what we came for and leave," she said, indicating the merchants' row.

Finn touched Huntress Wizard lightly on the arm.

"Are you okay? You seem kind of...down," said Finn.

She smiled, and held his hand.

"It's nothing, Finn. I just don't like crowds very much. Come on, let's get you a bow."

A large pavilion tent had been designated for merchants' stalls, and they entered. Amid the colorful displays were racks upon racks of bows, crossbows, spears, traps, camouflage outdoor gear, and more. Finn saw one merchant in particular he recognized, and approached him.

"Oh hey, Choose Goose! Good day to sell some bows, right?" said Finn.

"That's right, Finn! As you can see, I've everything you need for archery! Aha ha ha!"

Choose Goose sat on the counter of his stall, gesturing at the surrounding racks of bows and quivers.

"This is kind of a weird place for a goose," Huntress Wizard muttered.

"Oh, no one would dare shoot at me! I'm protected, by a 'shooting-back' guarantee!"

At that, Choose Goose pulled a loaded crossbow from beneath the counter and waved it in the air, accompanied by his signature guffaw.

"So which bow should I get, H-Dubs?" said Finn.

Huntress Wizard scanned the rack of weapons for a moment before taking one down and handing it to Finn.

"Forty-pound draw weight ought to do it. That's what my bow is," she said.

"Try it out, before you buy! The practice targets are right outside!" said Choose Goose.

"Rad, let's go! Thanks, Choose Goose!" said Finn.

"Don't run off without paying, first! Or else you'll suffer a deadly curse! Aha ha ha!"

A row of targets had been set up just beside the tent. Other customers, most of them experienced hunters by the look of it, were testing out an assortment of weapons. Some would fire a few shots and talk excitedly about technical aspects of the new weapons. A few others were picking out weapons with their young children.

Though he felt a little self-conscious amid such seasoned professionals, Finn stepped up to a shooting box and tried out the bow. His shot went wide, as per usual.

"Hmm, this bow seems, I dunno, _stiffer_ than yours, somehow. What do you think?"

He turned back to Huntress Wizard to find her glancing around nervously. She spoke in a frantic whisper.

"Oh, um, sorry Finn. I have to go real quick," she said.

"Go? Go where?" said Finn.

"I'll be back in a minute!" she said over her shoulder as she hurried away.

Finn watched her go until she vanished into the crowd. She had been acting weird all day, and it was really beginning to worry him. Though he was tempted badly to run after her and ask her what was wrong, it was clear she needed to be alone. He tried to put it out of his mind. As she had said many times, archery demanded a clear mind.

He attempted a few more clumsy shots, drawing the occasional concerned glance from a veteran. This was becoming embarrassing. He wished Huntress Wizard were there. Why had she run off? His inner monologue only made his archery worse.

Finally, the thing he had most feared occurred. He heard a chuckle from behind.

"You alright there, buddy? You look like you're having some trouble with that bow."

Finn looked back to see a young man, maybe late teens or early twenties, with a short mop of curly golden hair and blue-green skin. He wore a leather doublet, a blue cape, and a suede cap with an exaggerated triangular bill and a small golden feather in the band. A lyre hung from a fob on his belt. Finn would have recognized him as a hunter even if he weren't carrying a shortbow of beautifully carven dark wood on his back.

Right now this hunter was looking down at him with a somewhat self-satisfied grin. Finn blushed.

"Whatever, man! I'm just trying to get good at archery to impress a girl I like!" he blurted out.

The hunter's eyebrows shot up in possibly mock surprise.

"Oh! Is that so? A noble calling, indeed. Well, as a connoisseur of female attention, I salute you, sir!"

He doffed his cap and extended a hand.

"The name's Pablo. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

Still annoyed at this stranger's intrusion, Finn begrudgingly extended his own hand and shook.

"Finn the Human. Likewise."

"Aha! I thought I recognized you! Dude, you're practically a celebrity!" said Pablo, "You know, I'm a celebrity of sorts myself, around these parts. Reigning champ of the archery tournament, six years running. I once shot a snake from a distance of 250 yards."

He extended his foot as he said this, displaying a pair of ostentatious snake-skin boots.

"Kind of a big deal. I could give you a few pointers on archery, if you want. You'd be learning from the very best! It would be an honor to help such a famous hero as yourself," said Pablo.

"Uh-huh, that's pretty math, and all, but no thanks. I already have a teacher. She should be around here, somewhere," said Finn.

"'She?' Is she also the girl you're trying to impress?"

"Well, _kind of_ impress. We're already dating."

"What's her name? Between you and me," said Pablo, with a rakish grin, "I know just about every dame here. Maybe I could help."

"Huntress Wizard," said Finn.

The light fled from Pablo's face, replaced with disdain.

"Huntress Wizard," he said flatly, " _You're_ dating Huntress Wizard? Really?"

"As a matter of fact, I am," said Finn.

Smug as Pablo had been just a moment ago, Finn excused himself for rubbing it in just a little.

"She's totally crushing on me, too. Saying what great hair I have, and junk. She fought in a war for me, you know," said Finn.

"You're joking!" Pablo snarled, "That can't be true. Why would a magnificent specimen like Huntress Wizard date a runt like you?"

"A runt? _Hey!_ I'm no runt! I'm scrappy! About a month ago, I got swallowed whole by the God of Chaos. _I lived_!"

Finn realized he'd been shouting. Like some dumb kid, he'd let Pablo make him angry. A circle of other hunters had gathered around to gawk and point. Most of them were looking at him, and not with approval.

Pablo, however, seemed to be nervous himself. He regained his composure somewhat and tugged smartly on the bill of his cap.

"Pardon me, good sir, but you must _excuse me_."

He stalked off into the crowd. The circle of hunters continued staring at Finn for just a moment, before turning away. Finn turned back into the archery booth, in part to hide his blushing face.

The day was ruined, clearly. What was Pablo to Huntress Wizard? And what to do about it? Finn took the shortbow he had been testing back to Choose Goose, stammered something about "sleeping on it," and hurried out into the crowd to find Huntress Wizard.

* * *

Meanwhile, by the beverage tent, Huntress Wizard stood alone, half-heartedly nursing an ale. Her back was turned to the main crowd, so as to hide her face.

She felt horrible about abandoning Finn. Coming to the archery tournament was a stupid idea. Of course _he_ would be here. No doubt there were dozens of people here she didn't want to recognize her.

She wondered if it was ever this hard for Finn. He had so many friends, some of them were his own exes. Huntress Wizard looked death in the face every day, and never blinked, yet despite all her supposed bravery, she had run away. She cursed herself for a coward.

Her senses alerted her to footsteps approaching from behind. She considered turning into a tree, but in a crowd of normies that would only be more conspicuous. And undignified. She braced herself.

"Heather, is that really you? I haven't seen you in ages!" said Pablo.

Without turning around, she replied.

"Do I know you, sir?"

"Heather, please, don't be like that. Of course you know me. You know everyone here. And we all know you, despite that silly mask you wear. Won't you turn and face me?"

She turned, and there he was: a little taller and broader than she remembered, but it was the same old Pablo. Same mile-wide grin on his handsome face. Same tasteless snakeskin boots, same dark wood bow.

"You called me 'Heather.' You know that's not my name, anymore," She scowled openly at him. "What do you want, Pablo?"

"To let you know that I've never stopped thinking about you. You are the most beautiful girl in all of Ooo. My only equal," he said.

"Give me a break," she said, looking away.

"How have you been? I haven't seen you since...well. Maybe we could catch up?"

"Why would I want to 'catch up' with a donk like you?"

Pablo's smile faltered, if only for a moment.

"You're not still mad at me, are you? Heather, that was years ago! We were kids! Why don't we just let sleeping dragons lie, and go get some lunch?"

"I'm seeing someone _else_ , Pablo."

"You mean, Finn the Human?"

"What?! How did you- What did you say to him?" she said, alarmed.

"Then it's true."

He removed his cap, looking comically mournful for a brief moment, then replaced it. He grinned again.

"Come now, darling. Why would you want to date a little shrimp like Finn when you could have a handsome hunk-a-hunter like me?"

Huntress Wizard was shaking, and clenching her fists. She _knew_ what he was about to say.

" _Besides_ ," he said, gripping the brim of his cap, "Everybody knows it is _I_ who is best at archery, m'lady."

And that was the last straw. She dropped her ale and threw her hands in the air.

"Oh, _why don't you go drown_ , Pablo?"

At once, all the patrons in the beverage tent fell silent. She was screaming, now. Pablo's smile vanished.

"I'm not your girlfriend, you tranch! _I'm a tree_! When I feel like it!"

At that moment, Finn ran in to the tent. He followed the other patrons' gaze and recognized Huntress Wizard. And recognized Pablo. He scowled.

Everyone was looking at her in shock. Huntress Wizard looked around and recognized a few faces: distant relatives, her mother's old friends. She blushed furiously and tugged her hood as far down as it would go. She hurried to the exit.

"Come on, Finn, let's go," she said.

Finn faced down Pablo and pointed a finger.

"What did you say to her, ya freak?" said Finn.

"Mind your business, Finn," Pablo sighed.

"I said _come on_ , Finn, let's _go_!" Huntress Wizard cried.

Finn threw Pablo one last glare. Pablo just looked disgusted. Finally, Finn turned and followed Huntress Wizard out of the fairgrounds.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

And so it begins! My own little take on an origin story for Huntress Wizard. I've been obsessing over Adventure Time since it ended, and Huntress Wizard in particular, since she's a really cool character and I feel like she wasn't adequately explored, especially in her relationship with Finn. But then, I think part of the reason I like her so much is because her story is open-ended, with more room for imagination. Compare that to Princess Bubblegum, for example, who has a pretty much complete backstory and character arc throughout the series.

Anyway, writing this was pretty cathartic. I hope you enjoy.

Also, the "village of green-skinned mutants" refers to the unnamed village depicted in S1E25 "His Hero," hereafter referred to as "Greenville."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Huntress Wizard was walking so fast Finn was having trouble keeping up. She knew the forest paths better than he did; either that, or she had that class ability that let her keep her movement speed in forested terrain.

"Huntress Wizard, wait up! Please!" said Finn.

She kept walking. Now and then Finn would stumble over roots, or be hit in the face by branches that Huntress Wizard avoid effortlessly. Finn would sometimes have to jog just to keep her in view.

He breathed a sigh of relief when they broke from the trees into the clearing in front of Huntress Wizard's house. Huntress Wizard did not slow down. If anything, she picked up the pace and practically ran through the front entrance. Finn followed her all the way back to her bedroom, where she threw herself face down on the bed of moss. A muffled scream issued from the moss for several seconds.

"Uh, Huntress Wizard? Baby? Are you okay?" said Finn.

Huntress Wizard flipped herself over in one abrupt movement. Her eyes were red and shining.

"Who does he think he is?" she spat, "Putting you down like that? Prancing around in those stupid boots? Acting like everything's fine and _I'm_ the crazy one for not loving him! Gah! He makes me so _mad_!"

Without a word, Finn laid down beside her. He reached out with his meat hand, and she took it, gripping it hard. She turned on her side and curled up beside him. They lay like that for a long while, saying nothing.

"Oh, gob-slangit," said Huntress Wizard, finally, "We never got you a bow. Butts. I'm really sorry, Finn."

"Hey, don't worry about that stuff, H-Dubs. You didn't do anything," said Finn.

"It was my idea to go to that stupid archery tournament in the first place," said Huntress Wizard.

She pushed herself up to a sitting position, and Finn joined her.

"I should have known better. I knew there would be people I-" she hesitated, "-people I _used_ to know there. I knew _he_ would be there."

"Then why did you want to go there in the first place? We could've gotten a bow somewhere else."

"I know, I know," said Huntress Wizard, "It's just, I'm hard meat, right? Why should I be afraid of those people? You'd probs just walk in like it was no big deal. You hang out with your old crushes all the time, go to parties, have tons of _friends_. You make it look so easy."

"But...Huntress Wizard, you're _not_ me. It's okay to need space!"

"I had to, Finn. My fear is just another form of softness, and I wanted to kill it in its crib."

Finn was silent for a moment.

"Well...it's not as easy for me as you think," said Finn, "Do you want to tell me about him? Pablo, I mean. What did he do? How did he hurt you?"

"It's a long story."

"I'd be down to sit here and listen all day, if it would help you."

"Maybe that would help. Thank you, Finn."

She smiled at him, then cleared her throat.

"It all started six years ago, when...Glob, only six years? So much has changed. I was just fourteen. My mom was still alive. Back then, my name was Heather."

* * *

Finally, the day had come. Heather and her mother arrived at the Hunter's Association Bi-Annual Archery Tournament, held at the edge of the forest where they so often hunted.

A storm of emotions churned through Heather's mind as they entered the fairgrounds. Excitement mingled with apprehension. Dread mingled with anticipation. Above it all, a layer of amazement. She had never seen so many people all in one place. Her mother, Tabitha, shunned civilized places, and so they only ventured into the nearby town of Greenville when absolutely necessary.

Even Greenville on market day did not have so many different species. Heather saw goblins, skeletons, and stranger beings for which she had no name. This close to Greenville, however, she and her mother could still blend into the crowd. Just another couple of dark haired, green-skinned mutants among hundreds of others.

They pushed their way through the crowd towards the registration table near the back, by the stands. Heather stared at everything all the while, clutching her bow. Her mother reached down and tousled her hair, smiling.

"Honey, you look like you're about to bolt," she said, "Just relax. You'll do fine."

Tabitha was a green-skinned woman in her mid-forties. She was lean and hard-bodied, with a weathered face and long, black hair which she kept bound with a fillet of leather. She wore the dull, hide and canvas clothes of a huntress, and carried a bow with her everywhere.

"I know, mama, it's just," she gestured all around them.

Tabitha nodded.

"I haven't done a _great_ job of preparing you for this part. Girl your age should be spending some time around other kids. Meeting cute boys, or something."

" _Mom_..." said Heather, blushing.

Tabitha smiled and shrugged.

"What? You're at _that_ age. And I'm serious. You need to meet some kids your own age. Just because I live like a hermit doesn't mean _you_ should. At least you need to know what you're missing."

Heather had spent time around other kids her age, though. She had attended a field school until she was eight, learning her letters and numbers. The other kids spread nasty rumors about her mother being a witch, and threw rocks at her after class. Since then, she had been happy to spend all her time in the woods, hunting alongside her mother.

They reached the registration desk, and Heather was entered into the junior competition. She was given a wristband with a number on it and she and her mother were ushered into a tent behind the stands where the contestants and their families waited for the event to start.

The tent was ringed with chairs, and there was a table with refreshments. Parents of various species stood here and their giving their children last-minute coaching. Most of the children were a lot younger than her. Most of them were boys. Once again, Heather felt somewhat out of place.

"Well?" said Tabitha.

"Well, what?" said Heather.

"We've got time before they start. Go talk to some of the other kids."

Heather looked down and spoke quietly.

"Mom, I don't wanna…"

"I know you don't, and that's why you should. Be brave! Look over there, I think that's Thunder Joe's boy. You remember Thunder Joe, right? Why don't you go over and say hi?"

She indicated a young man with blue-green skin and a mop of golden curls seated off to the side. He wore a fine leather vest tooled in a leaf pattern over a bottle-green shirt, and a suede cap with an exaggerated triangular bill. A shortbow lay across his lap. He was engaged in conversation with a boxy red-and-black robot seated beside him, though not with much enthusiasm.

Before Heather could mutter another excuse, Tabitha practically shoved her across the room. There was nothing she could do, now. She walked slowly across the tent, only to stop several feet away. The robot was speaking excitedly, in a thickly accented artificial voice.

"-a simple differential equation! With my mastery of vector calculus, my victory is assured!"

"Oh, sure," replied the young man, "I'd be even more worried if I hadn't seen how you practice."

The screen on the front of the robot's body displayed an indignant face.

"That was grinding! It doesn't count! I needed to calibrate my servos! I was refining my subroutines! I-"

By now the young man had noticed Heather and was looking her way. He smiled broadly, and seemed to lose interest in his robotic companion.

"Oh hey, what's up? Boss day for an archery tournament, eh?" he said.

"Um…"

Heather stood there fidgeting, totally unsure of what to do. The young man seemed more than willing to take the lead. He stood and doffed his cap.

"I'm Pablo; at your service, m'lady," he said.

"Pablo! You are not listening to my plan to destroy you!" said the robot.

"Um, hi, my name's Heather."

She considered extending her hand to shake, but didn't. She just stood there, clutching her bow.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Heather! Would you like to come with me to get a glass of punch?" he said, gesturing towards the refreshments table.

The robot narrowed their digitally-rendered eyes.

"You should go. My sensors detect a _great thirst_."

Pablo laughed and began walking towards the refreshments table. Without thinking, Heather followed him. He spoke again once they were out of hearing of the robot.

"Thank Glob you showed up," said Pablo, "WASD, my robot pal, is a mega snore machine. There's nobody else cool, here."

"You think I'm cool?" said Heather.

Pablo ladled them each a glass of punch and grinned.

"Oh, sorry, was that a little too gallant? You carry that bow like you know how to use it. Clearly, you and I are a cut above the rest."

He gestured with a small inclination of his head towards a fat brown goblin, desperately struggling to string a bow.

"Do you live around here? I feel like we should have met, by now," said Pablo.

"I live in the forest with my mom. I think she's friends with your dad, though," said Heather.

"Ah, yes, the renowned spear-hunter, Thunder Joe. That's my old man, alright. But today is going to be all about me! First place is mine!"

Pablo pumped his shortbow in the air and took a sip of punch.

Heather looked at her own cup, dubiously. The punch was that artificial red stuff that they only had in the towns. She took a sip to be polite; it was too sweet for her liking.

"So how long have you been shooting? Are you any good?"

"I've been hunting with my mom since I was five. So, yeah, I'm good."

"Aha! A professional! I _love_ a challenge."

Before Heather could reply, a fanfare of bugles sounded from outside.

"What was that about?"

"I think they're about to start calling us to compete!"

Sure enough, the booming voice of an announcer began calling out names, and one by one the competitors files out from the tent. Pablo's name was called in short order. Before he left he grasped one of Heather's hands in his own and leaned in close.

"Good luck! May the best hunter win!"

With that, he jogged out the open flap of the tent and onto the competition grounds. Heather found herself blushing.

At least this tournament wouldn't be boring.

A few minutes later, Heather's own name was called, and she stepped out onto the competition grounds. The other competitors were already lined up in front of a target, and Heather took her place.

The announcer, a giant owl perched on the branch of a looming pine tree, boomed out the rules from his perch above. The contest was divided into 15 "ends," or rounds, where the archers would have two minutes to shoot three arrows at the bullseye, 30 meters downrange. After each end, the archers would walk down to retrieve their arrows and update their scores.

Heather looked behind her to try and find her mother in the stands, but there was no time. And so it began. As Pablo had predicted, most of the competitors in the junior category were amateurs, who fell hopelessly behind within the first few ends.

Shooting at a stationary target was too easy. Heather grouped her shots in the center ring almost every end, and as she looked up at the scoreboard she was pleased to find that she and Pablo were tied for first.

The final end came, and sure enough, she and Pablo were in a dead heat. The crowd had become deathly silent. The judges ordered another end as a tiebreaker, only for Pablo and Heather to come up in a tie again. Flummoxed, the judges took a brief recess to deliberate.

When they returned, they announced that by Hunter's Association rules, a failed tie-breaker should result in the contestants sharing their place. This announcement was met with boos and hisses from the crowd.

"Yo! Hey, mister giant owl!" Pablo shouted.

"Here, here! What's this interruption as I'm reading the judges decision?" said the announcer.

"Shooting at targets is too easy! I say we need another tie-breaker, and something more interesting!"

Murmurs of approval began to issue from the crowd.

"Very well! The judges will hear your suggestion!"

Pablo signaled for a moment to discuss, and he turned to Heather. Though exhausted, a feverish light burned behind his eyes. The contest had clearly exhilarated him. Heather nearly laughed when he looked at her, as she felt the same way. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

"You did not disappoint me," he said.

"You're pretty good, too," she said.

Pablo pointed away from the fairgrounds, off towards the grasslands that stretched pass the horizon.

"I know how to break our tie. Look over there. Do you see that?"

Heather looked in the direction he indicated and squinted. She could just barely discern a thin dark line on the horizon. It resolved itself into a shape; a serpent, clad in mottled brown and tan scales. The size was hard to judge, but it must have been at least six feet long. It moved slowly, utterly indifferent to the contest happening so far away.

She was surprised Pablo was even able to see it. Then she realized what he was suggesting.

"You don't mean that _snake_ , do you? You want to shoot that?" she said.

"Why not? I hate snakes." he said.

"Pablo, that's got to be 200 meters, at least! No archer in the world could make that shot!"

"You could."

She stared up at him, then looked away, blushing.

"Okay. Let's do it," she said.

Pablo told the announcer his plan, and the judges decided to allow it. Heather and Pablo stood side by side at the edge of the fairgrounds, bows drawn.

 _This is stupid,_ thought Heather, _Neither of us are going to make it. We're just going to tie anyway_.

But she forced that thought out of her head. Archery required a clear head. She took a breath, held it, and fired.

Both of their arrows arced up into the air, then down towards their target. Heather held her breath as the final moment crawled by. It looked almost as if her arrow was going to hit!

But no. At the last moment, a breeze picked up and shifted their arrows just slightly. Heather's arrow fell and was lost amid the grass. Pablo's arrow, however, pierced the serpent in its central mass, killing it instantly.

The crowd was silent for a brief moment before exploding into cheers.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

A brief word on the timeline, here. Huntress Wizard is 20 years old in this headcanon because her first appearance is S3E8, "Wizard Battle." This takes place after S2E25, "Mortal Recoil" where Finn's age is stated to be 13. Since Finn is 17 in the finale, Huntress Wizard has to have been a wizard for _at least_ four years, and probably more, if she's going to be confident enough to be competing in the Wizard Battle. I set her origin story six years before the finale, for a little wiggle room. Finn would have been 11-12 when this story occurred, putting it before the series debut.

However, I was reluctant to set this too _far_ back, since this is a Finntress ship, after all. Finn is 17. How old can Huntress Wizard be before their relationship becomes questionable? I don't think that a 17-year-old dating a 20-year-old completely outrages common decency. For those of you who object, note this: I don't know the age of consent in Ooo, but Finn has done battle with no less than _four_ cosmic horrors in the course of his young life (i.e., Hunson Abadeer, the Lich, Orgalorg, and Golb). He's mature enough for romance, in my opinion.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

What followed was a blur of noise and activity. The winners were marshalled to a rostrum, and once the announcer had restored a modicum of order he commenced the award ceremony. Pablo received the gold medal with aplomb, beaming into the crowd and even spreading his arms wide to bask in their adoration. Heather stood quietly beside him to receive the silver medal, her face expressionless. The bronze was awarded to a skeleton archer named Boris who, having no face, was also unemotive. Though he seemed to glance sidelong at Heather, and she imagined that he resented her bumping him out of second.

Heather herself felt nothing but exhaustion. The day had held profound emotional highs and lows. As the award ceremony was wrapping up, a great hulking blue-skinned man and a petite green-skinned woman came up to embrace Pablo, and he began chatting excitedly with them. His family, perhaps? Heather let them be and vanished into the crowd. She made her way to the edge of the fairgrounds and found a tree to sit under.

She examined her silver medal and considered. She should be thrilled, she reasoned, to have even placed on her first try. But no, she could not deny that this outcome had not been satisfying. And what of Pablo? What would she say the next time they saw each other? Would this somewhat arbitrary conclusion make things awkward? He had been so cocksure, would he become an obnoxious braggart?

Heather was somewhat embarrassed to find her thoughts turning to Pablo. Why? She wondered. Perhaps her mother was right. She _was_ at "that age," and as she envisioned his face she could not help but admit he _was_ handsome. A warm feeling came over her, and she smiled.

"Heather? Hey, Heather! Uh, how's it going?"

It was Pablo. Heather jumped to her feet, embarrassed to have been caught off guard. She stammered a greeting.

"Oh! P-Pablo! Um, hi. Fine. I'm fine."

Pablo seemed relieved, and gave her a knowing grin.

"I really enjoyed competing against you, today. My parents and I are going out to dinner to celebrate. I was wondering if you'd like to come with us?"

"Uh, okay. I have to ask my mom first, though…" she said.

She regained some composure and smiled back.

"You know that tie-breaker was a bunch of bull-gonk, right?" she said.

Pablo chuckled.

"Yeah, it kind of was. Mostly luck, really. You should know I consider you every bit my equal."

"Aw…!" said Heather, "Well, I'll just have to find some other way to show you up."

They made their way back towards the stands, and soon they found their parents talking with one another. Pablo noticed them first and called out. The massive blue-skinned man saw him and waved.

"Heyyy! There's my boy! My ace hunter!" he bellowed.

Tabitha smiled at her, and Heather moved closer to her. They embraced, and Pablo did likewise with his own parents.

"I'm proud of you, Heather," Tabitha whispered, "Though, that gold totally belongs to you."

"Mom! Shh! Don't say that!"

Heather pushed her away, and Pablo's father spoke again.

"Get outta here, is that really Heather?" he said.

The man was well over six feet tall, and broad. He had a voluminous beard of gray hair and wore a white tunic and gray cloak. A pair of spears were strapped to his back. He extended a massive hand towards Heather.

"Well, put-a-there, kiddo! I haven't seen you since you were a knee-high! You probably don't remember me, though."

"Heather, this is Thunder Joe, an old hunting buddy of mine," Tabitha said, as Heather shook his hand.

"And I suppose you haven't met my wife," said Thunder Joe, indicating the green-skinned woman.

"Hi. Lena, pleased to meet you. I run the Bell and Robot tavern in Greenville."

The contrast between Thunder Joe and Lena was almost comical. Lena was green-skinned, like Heather and Tabitha, but blonde. She was even shorter than Heather, and petite.

"So Dad, I was wondering if we could bring Heather and her mother with us to dinner this evening," said Pablo.

Thunder Joe clapped his son on the shoulder.

"Great idea, son!" said Thunder Joe, "Of course, you two are more than welcome to come."

Thunder Joe grinned, and gave Heather a knowing look.

Tabitha grimaced. Heather knew how much her mother hated Greenville, and crowds, and people in general. Anticipating an excuse or an objection, she spoke up.

"Please, Mom?" said Heather.

"It would be on us, of course!" said Lena, "And don't worry if you're not dressed; with so many hunters in town you surely won't stick out."

With no further excuse, Tabitha sighed.

"Alright, sure. Let's go."

And with that, they set off. Greenville was just a short walk away, and they soon fell into a line of fair-goers streaming off in that direction.

* * *

Heather had been to a restaurant maybe a dozen times in her life thus far, though certainly never one this fancy. The place was called "The Burning Sword" and was a long stone hall with soaring wooden rafters. The walls and ceiling were decorated with a plethora of weapons, hunting trophies, and relics from the old world. In the center of the hall was a huge fire pit surrounded by racks of roasting meat, each skewered on a sword. Waiters would come around with a sword and carve strips of meat directly onto the platters of the diners.

No surprise, then, that the place was packed. The patrons were all manner of beings, clearly hunters from out of town, though the staff were mostly green-folk like Heather. On any other night, Heather would have found this overwhelming, as her mother probably did now.

Nevertheless, they were conducted to a table where the adults sat on one end and Heather and Pablo sat on the other, across from each other. The conversation began with the expected remarks about Pablo's extraordinary victory, then to some idle small talk, and soon the adults were off reminiscing amongst themselves. They seemed to sense Pablo and Heather's desire for a more intimate conversation.

Heather was finding it difficult to think of anything to say. Pablo, meanwhile, was more than willing to lead the conversation. Over the course of the evening, Heather learned that Pablo had lived his whole life in Greenville at his mother's tavern, while his father went on hunting expeditions across Ooo. Pablo liked to hunt on the weekends, especially with his father when he was in town, but throughout the week he helped out in the tavern.

Unlike Heather, he had continued his education to study mathematics, history, rhetoric, and the fundamentals of business, sometimes in school and sometimes with a private tutor. He also had a private tutor for the lyre, an instrument in which he was quite proficient.

Which, of course, led him to travel. He had been to the Candy Kingdom for a recital, and to the Mountain Kingdom with his father for the mountain men's annual games. He had also been allowed to accompany his father and friends to the Haunted Swamp, hunting hydras.

Heather listened to all of this in fascination, which soon became awe, tinged with an edge of a less pleasant emotion. Heather realized she had nothing to say because she had never done anything worth talking about. Pablo was just two years older than her, yet he had lived a life she could never have dreamed of. She was sick with envy.

Tabitha, it seemed, was sick of everything else. As the evening wore on her voice became increasingly monotone. She responded to questions tersely, sometimes with a single word, and soon the other adults left her alone.

Eventually, the meal was over, and everyone stood milling about in front of the restaurant. Pablo and Heather stood off to one side.

"I had a really great time tonight…" said Heather.

"So did I! We should hang again, sometime," said Pablo.

"You could come hunting with me and Mom this weekend. You know, if you're free."

"As wonderful as that sounds," said Pablo, "I was thinking we might meet a little sooner."

He leaned in close and whispered in her ear:

"There's a ruined tower atop a hill overlooking the river, due south of Greenville. You know where that is?"

Heather nodded.

"Meet me there, tonight at midnight. I'd like to show you something."

"Show me what?" Heather said, out loud.

Pablo only grinned, and placed a finger across his lips.

It was time to go. All bid each other good night, and Tabitha and Heather set out for home.

They were silent the whole walk home. Heather knew how much her mother disliked company; she was much the same herself. But Heather sensed that something else was bothering her.

They got home, a crude a little cabin in a clearing deep in the forest, just as the full moon was rising. Rather than go inside, Tabitha seated herself on one of the chairs on the porch, and sighed. Heather stood nearby, and hesitated.

"Mama?" she said gently, "Are you mad about something?"

"Oh, Heather. I'm not mad at you, it's just, that _rude little boy_ did nothing but talk about himself all night!"

"Well...so what?" said Heather.

"'So what?' Heather, I can tell you like him, but if a boy is really interested in you, you know, the _whole_ you, he'd show it!"

Heather could feel herself becoming angry, and tried to keep her voice level.

"But what if I'm more interested in _him,_ Mom?" said Heather, "I mean, what am I supposed to talk about? _My_ amazing life? Hunting? The thing I do every day? 'Oh, hey, Pablo, I skinned a deer _real good_ this one time! It was great! You should have been there!'"

Heather realized she had failed to keep her voice level. Tabitha had stood up, and frowned down at her with her hands on her hips.

"Don't talk to me that way, young lady!" Tabitha snapped, "I'm just trying to keep you safe!"

"I don't wanna be safe!" Heather cried, "I want to _live_! Before today, I never realized how much I'm missing out on. I want to, I don't know, see the world! Do something besides hunting and chores all day! I want a life like Pablo's!"

"You barely know him!"

"Well it was _your_ idea for me to _get_ to know him! Remember?"

Tabitha sighed and looked away. They were both silent a long moment. Finally:

"You're right, of course. I did ask you to get to know some kids your age. I just didn't expect things to go so _fast_ …"

Tabitha sniffled, and Heather could see her eyes were shining in the moonlight. Heather stepped forward and embraced her.

"My baby girl's growing up…" said Tabitha, "Don't forget, you only met Pablo today. Just promise me you'll be careful."

"I will, Mama," said Heather.

"I don't know Pablo very well, but I know his father well enough. Thunder Joe's not a bad man, but he's kind of irresponsible. He has like, eight kids across three marriages. And he was quite a philanderer in his youth."

Despite her immense curiosity, Heather knew better than to ask for details. Instead, she said,

"You don't know that Pablo's like that…"

"No, but that's just another reason to be careful."

"Please, just give him a chance."

"I will, I will…"

Tabitha turned to enter the cabin, but paused in the doorframe.

"And, by the way, I know he asked you to meet him out tonight…"

Heather froze in place, aghast. Tabitha did not look back as she continued.

"If you were thinking of sneaking out...well, don't forget your bow. It's the full moon tonight; whywolves will be out. Don't do anything stupid."

* * *

The time came, and Heather set out for her rendezvous. She wore a dark cloak and carried a flashlight, though she mostly left it off. She was long accustomed to moving through the forest at night, and was afraid that it might attract monsters.

She reached the open grasslands, and soon spotted her destination. The ruined tower loomed above the plains atop a hill, a crooked spike of rusted metal girders. Whatever purpose it had served to the old world, Heather could not guess.

She mounted the hill and looked around. A thicket of bushes had grown up around the base of the tower.

"Pablo? Are you here?" she said.

"Hm? Heather! Yes! Over here!"

Pablo appeared from behind a row of bushes and waved. He had changed from his hunter's garb into a blue and red minstrel's costume.

Heather approached and saw that he stood in a small clearing among the bushes. He had spread a quilt over the ground directly below one of the great concrete blocks that made up the foundation of the ruined tower. A basket sat by his foot, and he carried a lyre. He performed an exaggerated bow when Heather drew near.

"Good evening, m'lady," said Pablo.

Heather blushed, and stifled a laugh.

"Oh my Glob, were you going to _serenade_ me by moonlight?" she said.

"That's the plan!"

"That's so _corny_! I love it!"

He gestured for her to sit, and she did. He joined her, and produced a bottle of wine and a pair of glasses from the basket. He spoke as he poured them each a glass.

"I wanted to show you my skill with the lyre, but you know, there was another reason I asked you here."

"Oh _really_?" Heather said, playfully, "I can't imagine."

"I wanted a chance to speak to you in private. However," he paused, and held up his lyre, "I've been told I don't speak half as well as I _sing_."

And so he played her a song, _She Will Be Loved_ , a love song from the old world.

So many virtues, and he could _sing_. Heather sat mesmerized as she sipped her wine.

With his song finished, he took a gulp of wine and grinned.

"You play beautifully," said Heather, "If I'd known, I would have brought my flute."

"We'll have to have a jam session, sometime," said Pablo, "Yes. Second date."

"Oh, was this a date?" said Heather.

"Yes, I think so," said Pablo, "But maybe we should check, just to be safe."

He inched closer and placed a hand on her cheek.

"Would you kiss me, Heather?"

She set her wine glass aside, leaned in, and kissed him on the mouth. And he kissed her. And again. And again. And soon they were laying beside each other. Time slowed to a crawl.

As thrilled as she was, Heather did not forget her promise. She felt Pablo fumbling with the leather strings at the front of her tunic. She placed a firm hand on his wrist and stopped him.

"No," she said, "Mama said to be careful."

Pablo grinned, but it was a thin and pained expression. No doubt he was bitterly disappointed.

"Ah. Of course, of course," he said, and seemed to relax, "We'll go steady, then. Whatever you want, baby."

He pulled himself up and sat with his back against the concrete block. Heather joined him.

"Mothers, eh? But you're lucky to have her, I guess," he said.

"Yeah. You're lucky to have both your parents," said Heather, "I never knew my father."

"I was wondering about that. Do you want to tell me?"

"My dad's the Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River. Like a god, or something. He's been sleeping at the bottom of a river since before I was born."

There was a brief silence. Then:

"Seriously? Your dad's a _river god_?"

"I know, right?"

"Is that why you're so... _divine_?"

"Oh, _stop_!" said Heather, giving him a playful shove.

"So why haven't you ever met him?"

"Normally he can only manifest for a few hours a year, at most. That's what my mom liked about him. Anyway, after they'd been dating for a while, he gave her a magic mushroom, and when she ate it she became pregnant with me. But then, my dad's so old, using that magic tired him out so much he's been asleep for 15 years."

"Wild," said Pablo, "Is that why you look so much like your mother? Are you like, her clone or something?"

"Maybe," said Heather, "I sure don't have god powers. Believe me, I've checked."

"Yeah, well. My dad isn't all he's cracked up to be, either," said Pablo.

"Why's that?"

"I mean, I love my dad, but he's hardly ever around. He's always out hunting and adventuring and stuff. In fact, just tonight he met up with some of his hunting buddies at the archery tournament. They're all going off to the Shiney Isles to hunt some monster called 'The Farm.' They're leaving tomorrow morning. He's only been here three days."

"Why not go with him?"

Pablo was frowning, now. He shook his head.

"He won't take me. Not since…" He winced, "Well, that hunting trip to the Haunted Swamp didn't go quite as well as I may have implied."

Heather waited, but he did not elaborate. She held his hand, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Well, it's not so bad. If my dad had agreed to take me with him, I wouldn't get to see you for a while."

"You want to come hunting with me and Mom this weekend?" said Heather.

"Absolutely. And maybe after that we'll have our jam session? I'll bring my lyre."

"Sure, just wear something else," said Heather, touching the poofy sleeve of his minstrel's outfit.

Pablo recoiled in mock outrage.

"Ah! You wound me. Don't lie girl, you know I look mad fresh in this get-up."

She laughed, and they kissed again. And with that, she bid him goodnight.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

Oh, wow, Tabitha dating a guy you can literally only talk to once a year or so. Big introvert mood. FYI, the "magic mushroom" thing is a reference to Alan Moore's depiction of Swamp Thing. Moore has a fondness for gross monsters hooking up with hot girls, and in that Swamp Thing comic, the Swamp Thing gives some girl a spore pod that causes her to have erotic dreams, since they can't have sex the normal way.

Just so we're clear, my aim in depicting teen romance in this story is _verisimilitude_ , not necessarily _endorsement_. If you find any of this behavior objectionable, that's kind of the point. Keep in mind, teenagers are stupid. Protect them.

Also, hopefully by now you've all figured out which myth inspired this story. I think it's pretty obvious, but I also don't feel like spelling it out. That would spoil the fun for those of you who haven't figured it out, and need to do some sleuthing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"So, wait, your dad's a river god?" said Finn.

"Huh? Yes, didn't I say that? He's the Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River," said Huntress Wizard.

"Wow, that's _bizz-onkers_ ," said Finn.

Then, a horrible idea occurred to him.

"Uh, H-Dubs, the 'Glowing River' wouldn't happen to be that same one where I go to play the flute, would it? You know, in the _nude_?"

"That's the one."

Finn blushed furiously.

"Um, so does that mean-"

"Relax, Finn. _I_ bathe in that river sometimes. It's not weird. Besides, my dad's been asleep for like, six years now."

"Six? But didn't you say fifteen? Did he wake up?"

"I'll get to that later."

"Okay...so what happened next? You and Pablo were dating for a while?"

"That's right. We dated for about two months, and everything was fine. I mean, I see now Pablo was always kind of an arrogant butt-lord, but I...I was in love with him. Love makes people stupid, Finn."

Finn reached out and placed a hand on her knee.

"You're _not_ stupid, Huntress Wizard. Believe me, I've been there. Only, _I_ was the butt-lord."

Huntress Wizard took Finn's hand and smiled.

"You mean your break-up with Flame Princess? You'll have to tell me that story someday.

"But anyway, about two months later we were hunting a monster that was skronking up the local ecology. It, uh, didn't go well…"

* * *

A heavy mist hung over the murky woods, though it was almost noon. Heather padded through the forest beside Pablo, her bow at the ready and nerves tense. Tabitha led the party by several yards. Now and then Heather would glance over at Pablo. He'd give her a little reassuring grin, but Heather could tell he was nervous.

This hunt was no elk or bear; this was a professional monster hunter's job, a commission from the Hunters' Association. The monster had yet to be visually ID'd, but it was huge, and seemed to crawl along the ground like an amorphous mass. It had devoured a farmer's entire flock of sheep in the dead of night, swallowing them whole. To help bring it down, the H.A. had issued each of them an explosive spear, in case it was too large for arrows to be effective. No wonder, then, that Pablo and Heather both were feeling a little out of their depth.

If Tabitha felt the same, she did not show it. Her quiet, unperturbed demeanor was reassuring. She had picked up the monster's tracks early in the morning and had led the party north all day.

Suddenly, Tabitha held up a fist, and they came to a halt. Tabitha knelt down and inspected the ground.

"There's a fresher trail here that doubles back over this one, due West. The beast is near. This is probably its normal hunting ground."

"What if it's actually _another_ monster that made that trail?" Pablo said, glumly, "What if we're walking into a whole _den_ of these things?"

"Unlikely. There's little enough game in this area as it is. A creature this size must maintain a huge territory."

"What if it's a mated pair?" said Heather.

"I've never seen tracks quite like this, before. I doubt it has a significant breeding population, if any. It might be a unique. I'm guessing an ancient, sleeping evil now awoken or a mad wizard's experiment gone rogue."

"Ha ha! Yeah, no big deal, or anything," said Pablo.

Tabitha turned and eyed him critically for a moment, and he flinched. She looked away and pointed to her left.

"Right. West, then. Let's pick up the pace. We need to catch up with this thing before it knows we're here. And remember, don't light your spears until I tell you to."

Tabitha began walking briskly down the trail. Pablo and Heather followed at a distance. Heather leaned in close to Pablo and whispered.

"Are you scared, Pablo?"

Pablo laughed nervously.

"Scared? Not I, m'lady. Never. But I'll sure be glad when this is all just a tall tale to tell by the fire."

Another reassuring grin. Heather leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

"My brave adventurer," she said.

They pressed on, and the land began to slope downward, becoming looser and muddier as they went. Soon the trail led them into a gully, with walls of damp earth looming on either side. Far ahead was a bracken-choked clearing, and a billowing plume of mist that seemed to indicate a pond. A foul stench of rotting meat hung in the air.

"If we catch the monster here, there's only one way we can run…" said Pablo.

"Shh! Quiet!" said Tabitha, "I think I hear something."

They all stopped and held their breath. Though she strained, Heather heard nothing but the rustling of leaves in the breeze.

Yet the mist was as thick as ever. There was no breeze. With a start, Heather recognized the sound.

 _Hissing_.

It was as if dozens of snakes were all furiously hissing at once, and at all different pitches. The sound emanated from the fog bank ahead, somewhere beside the pond. Then came the sloshing of water, and a sucking sound like something dragging through mud.

There was no cover, so they stood in the open and waited. Tabitha had taken the explosive spear from her back and held her tinderbox at the ready. Pablo and Heather stood behind her at either side, bows drawn, trembling.

Suddenly, a raspy, inhuman voice split the air.

" _Murderer!_ " the voice cried.

A dark, towering shape resolved from the mists. It appeared as cluster of snakes of all different sizes, wrapped around each other in a ball. The largest snake was nearly three feet in diameter, with a massive head full of dripping fangs hanging roughly ten feet from the ground. More than a dozen smaller heads hung nearby, and all of their gleaming yellow eyes were fixed on Pablo.

"That scent! I know that scent!" the largest head snarled, "It's _you_! At last we meet!"

"M-me? What do you want with me?" said Pablo.

Heather felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her gut as she made the connection.

"Pablo…" she said, voice trembling, "your _boots_."

They both glanced down at Pablo's boots. Though stained with mud, the mottled, double-diamond pattern was unmistakable. The snake Pablo had killed at the tournament was of the same breed as the one they faced now.

"It was you! You, who slew my sacred consort! Know me, vermin! I am the Snake Queen! And you will die for your transgression!"

Pablo was stammering something, and taking a few tremulous steps backward, when the hiss of gunpowder joined that of the snakes. Tabitha had lit her explosive spear. Sparks poured from the fuse near the head. She spoke in a calm, commanding voice.

"As long as I live, you will not hurt this child, monster. Now die."

Tabitha hurled the spear, and the monster attempted to dodge. Though it was surprisingly agile, the gully walls hemmed it in, and the spear struck somewhat left of its center of mass. Two of the smaller snake heads thrashed violently for a moment as they were pierced, and then the spear exploded.

Heather shielded her face from the explosion, and the sound left her ears ringing. When she looked up, she saw Pablo and Tabitha were cautiously moving backwards.

Black smoke joined with the mist and brought visibility near to zero, but a chorus of hissing confirmed the beast was not dead.

"Heather! Light your spear!" Tabitha shouted.

Heather pulled the spear from her back and began fumbling for her tinderbox. Just as she found it, the smoke parted, and the Snake Queen and her consorts appeared, bearing a bloody crater in their side where the spear had exploded. They surged forth, angled directly towards Pablo.

There was a bright blue flash of light as Tabitha used a magic arrow. The Snake Queen was stuck fast in a low wall of ice. Pablo was firing away with his own bow, but to little effect.

Frantic, Heather managed to light her spear, and she threw it. Her throw was too high, though, and the shaft of the spear bounced off the bed of snakes, only to explode on the ground behind them, dealing minimal damage.

The ice wall cracked and broke, and the Snake Queen was free again. Tabitha was forced to dive out of the way, lest she be mowed down by undulating mass. With nothing in its way, it bore down on Pablo, and the largest head struck.

Tabitha dove into the path of the Snake Queen's head, shoving Pablo out of the way. She held up her bow with both hands and wedged the grip between the glistening fangs, while catching the lower jaw with her foot. Straining, she held outraged serpent's jaws open.

"Now, Pablo! Throw your spear down it's gullet!" Tabitha shouted.

Heather looked to see how Pablo fared, only to realize, with a start, he was gone. She looked around and caught glimpse of his back, retreating into the mist.

"Wait! Pablo! Where are you-"

There was a great, roaring hiss, and Heather turned just in time to see the massive jaws clamp down on her mother, sweeping her off her feet.

" _No_!" Heather screamed.

With an indifferent flick of its head, the Snake Queen tossed Tabitha aside. Tabitha impacted the gully wall and collapsed in a heap.

Heather ran to her mother's side, and looked up to face the Snake Queen. The many heads glared down at her for just a moment, then lost interest. The monster slithered away in the direction Pablo had gone, and soon passed from view.

"Ma...mama?" said Heather.

Tabitha coughed, and blood ran down her chin.

"I'm here, for now," she said weakly.

Heather helped her sit up against the trunk of a tree. That was when she noticed the blood soaking the front of Tabitha's vest. It welled from a circular hole, right in the middle of her abdomen.

"Oh no, mama, oh _no_ ," said Heather, "We...we've got to get you back to Greenville. Maybe the doctor can-"

"Child, hush," said Tabitha, "I just took a mondo megadose of snake venom, right in my aorta. I already can't feel my legs..."

"But...but…" Heather gasped.

Hot, desperate tears began to stream down her face, and she sobbed.

"No, no, baby, stop that. Come here."

Tabitha held out her trembling arms, and Heather buried her head in her mother's chest. Tabitha held her and stroked her hair.

"Wait, what about Pablo? Where's Pablo?" said Tabitha.

"He...he ran away…" Heather said between sobs.

"Oh, baby, I'm _so sorry_ …" said Tabitha.

She was fading fast. Her voice became a breathy whisper.

"Baby...my baby girl. Mama loves you. I'm so proud of you, Heather…"

And with that, Tabitha breathed her last.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

Oh man. I actually teared up when I wrote this part. I hope it actually comes across as emotionally impactful, and not just maudlin. Fan works, I've observed, are often terribly maudlin affairs. The problem, I think, is that fans try to deliver an emotional pay off comparable to some of the highlights of the show, without any of the requisite build-up.

On a sunnier note, there's a couple of video game references in here. The Snake Queen is based off of that snake ball enemy from Bloodborne, and the whole concept of the Hunters' Association is based off of the Hunters' Guild in Monster Hunter. So yeah. That's pretty neat, I guess.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

As Huntress Wizard related this, she did not cry. But Finn did. Tears streamed down his face as he spoke.

"That's...that's not _fair_ , man…" said Finn.

"No. But such is fate."

Huntress Wizard spoke in a drab monotone, her face utterly impassive, her body as still as a rock. It seemed to Finn she was afraid to move, lest she break her composure and start crying, too.

Finn sniffed, and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have mother issues, is all. I never knew my bio-mom and dad, growing up."

"Well I'm done crying about it. As far as I'm concerned, it was another life ago."

Finn nodded, and they were silent for a while.

"So what did you do then?"

"I sat there and cried a while, and then I carried my mother's body back home. Pablo's mother came to check in later that evening. She helped a lot. She contacted my aunt, and together they arranged the funeral. That was a few days later. That was where I next saw Pablo."

* * *

The funeral was held in a clearing at the edge of the forest. A couple dozen people turned out for it, most of them fellow hunters and colleagues of her mother, most of them strangers to Heather. An aunt and a few cousins she hadn't spoken to in years showed up as well.

Of course, _he_ was here, too. Along with his mother, and some of his half-brothers. He stayed away, and never looked directly at her. That suited her just fine. She didn't want to look at him either.

Heather just sat off to the side in her new black dress and quietly sobbed into a handkerchief. Now and then someone would come up to her, introduce themselves or remind her of their acquaintanceship, try and say a few encouraging words. Heather mostly just nodded and said nothing. Heather's Aunt Hazel, her mother's half-sister whom she barely remembered, offered for her to come and stay with her. Heather gave a non-committal answer.

In truth, Heather was having difficulty thinking about her future in concrete terms. Not only was she orphaned at fourteen, her mother had been the first, and now basically _only_ , person she had ever loved. Now she loved no one.

The ceremony was wrapping up. Everyone came around to pay their last respects. Heather took one last, painful look at her mother's face, immaculate in her casket, then tore her eyes away. She looked away as they sealed it shut and lowered it into the ground. The gravediggers proceeded to fill in the hole.

It was at that time that Pablo decided to approach her.

She felt him before she saw him. He stood a few feet away, hesitating before saying anything. Heather said nothing and waited, hoping he would go away. He didn't though, and finally he spoke.

"Heather, I...there are no words…"

Heather gave a long sigh.

"There sure aren't."

"I'm...I'm so _sorry_. Could you ever forgive me?"

"You've got some kind of nerve, Pablo, asking me that. Where was that nerve three days ago?"

She heard a sharp intake of breath. Clearly her words had had some impact. Though, she soon felt that refusing to look at him was undignified. She stood up from her chair and looked him full in the face.

There he stood, fidgeting in an ill-fitting black suit. He faltered and looked away.

"Look at me, Pablo," said Heather.

He did so, and his face was the portrait of grief and uncertainty.

"My mother is dead, and you're still alive. I'd give anything for it to be the other way around."

Pablo winced, and gathered his composure.

"Heather, that's not fair," he said.

"No, it isn't."

"Oh, _cut me a break_ , Heather!" he snapped, "Yes, I'm afraid of snakes, okay? Have you ever seen a hydra? All of its heads are like giant snakes!"

He was shaking now, and the words seemed to pour from him.

"I got separated from the group on that hunting trip with my dad! A hydra chased me, and I had to hide in a hollow log, and while it was stomping around looking for me it was talking about how it was going to kill me when it found me! I had nightmares for-"

" _Shut up_!" Heather screamed, "You _ran away_! My mother _died_ to protect you!:

"Well that was _her_ dumb idea!"

Heather gasped, and Pablo's face fell as he realized what he had just said.

"No, Heather, I didn't mean-"

She slapped him hard across the face.

" _Stay away from me, you creep_!"

She turned to run away, but he seized her by the wrist. She wrenched free from his grip and stumbled.

"Heather, _please_ -"

" _No_!"

She ran into the forest, and Pablo followed, crying her name all the while.

He was _actually_ chasing her. It was almost comical.

Heather had never worn heels before, so she kicked off her shoes as she ran. Branches

tore her dress and her skin, but still she ran, heedless of the physical pain. More than anything, she did not want to turn and face Pablo again.

Still she ran, and his voice faded, becoming more and more distant.

She emerged from the trees and found herself by the river. She could not hear Pablo's voice at all. Exhausted, she fell to her hands and knees on the muddy riverbank and cried.

Minutes passed, and Heather sensed she was not alone.

She sat up and frantically looked around. Though she saw no one, there was a disturbance in the center of the river. The water was churning and frothing, as if something were rising from the depths. A pale yellow glow shone from the water.

Frightened, Heather leapt to her feet and stood back. A massive humanoid form breached the surface, great volumes of water streaming down its sides.

No, she realized, the thing was _made_ of water itself.

The creature was a roughly humanoid-shaped mound of boulders and rotted branches suspended in a mass of unnaturally flowing water. It towered nearly ten feet above the water, while its lower body, if it existed, was obscured. The torso was mostly solid, and incorporated three crumpled metal drums painted hazard yellow, leaking a glowing substance. The arms, meanwhile, were little more than thick pseudopods of water. A teardrop shaped mass of water formed the head, complete with two glowing yellow eyes.

Looking into those eyes was a vertiginous experience. They gave the impression of unfathomable age and weariness, ineffable wisdom and serenity, and an inexplicable and frightening familiarity.

He spoke in a voice as thick and deep as grinding boulders.

"Hello, daughter. Why is it that you cry?"

" _Daughter?_ " cried Heather, thunderstruck, "Did you just call me _daughter_?"

"You are mine. I can feel it."

He closed his eyes, and made a deep rumbling noise.

"Yes, I am he, your father. The Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River, finally awoken. Your mother called me 'Keith.'"

Heather had imagined meeting her father one day, but never like this. Not in the lowest point in her life. She stood there staring up at him, dumbly. The Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River, or "Keith," continued.

"You are Tabitha's daughter, and your tears awoke me from my slumber. Tabitha, Tabitha, my love, where is she? Is she well? Tell me, please, why is it you cry?"

"She's dead," said Heather.

Keith's eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned with grief. His moan was so deep and loud it shook the earth, and caused Heather to cover her ears. Finally he stopped.

"Oh, I knew it. I knew it at once. Tabitha, my love, shall I never again hear her voice? Will she never again bathe within my banks?"

He paused, and seemed to notice Heather again. He focused on her, and drew closer.

"Alas...mortal woman. I knew this day would come. Now all I have is you, my darling daughter. But, alas! You're nearly grown. Tell me, what did she name you?"

"Heather. My name is Heather."

"Heather…" said Keith, "Heather, my dear. I'm so sorry I did not get to see you grow up. You must think me a derelict."

"No. No, Dad, it's okay," Heather said, although it wasn't, "But look, I have another problem right now."

"I will do anything to help you, dearest one. Speak!"

Heather explained to him, briefly, the events leading up to her mother's death, including her relationship with Pablo, and how he was currently chasing her through the forest. When she finished, Keith leaned back and stroked his chin with one of his watery arms.

"Hmm…" he rumbled, "'Tis a difficult problem, indeed."

A deep burbling noise issued from his chest, which Heather realized was a sigh.

"Alas, Heather, my dear, I am very old. Older than this world. My age weighs on me heavily, and it is my curse that I must slumber, doomed only to wake briefly, once a year or so. I will not be able to protect you. Thus, I must show you how to protect yourself."

"What do you mean?" said Heather.

"Magic, my daughter. I could give you magic."

"You mean, like a wizard?" said Heather.

"Just so. But alas, you are a creature of land, not water. I can set you on your way, but another must guide you."

"What do I have to do?"

Keith gestured to the glowing barrels in his torso.

"I will give you a drink of my core waters, and you will be transformed. You will become a wizard."

"Transformed into what?"

"I cannot say. I will do my best to ensure that you emerge safely from your metamorphosis, but you should know: magic always comes at a terrible cost."

A faint cry echoed through the forest. Heather thought to recognize Pablo's voice, though he was a long way away.

"That's him! That's Pablo!" said Heather.

"Then choose, my daughter. But beware! Every wizard is cursed. Sadness and madness await you."

Heather hesitated. The gravity of this moment was beginning to sink in. Her choice could potentially ruin her life.

She heard Pablo's voice again.

She remembered that she had no life.

"Will I be strong? Strong enough that I won't need anyone, anymore?"

"You will be strong, Heather, my dear. Formidable against the world."

"Then I'll do it. I'm already cursed."

"Step into the water."

Heather entered the river and waded out into the current, until the water was at chest height. She struggled to keep her footing. Keith towered over her, and with the sound of crashing boulders and grinding metal, his torso reconfigured itself until one of the yellow drums moved to his shoulder.

"Hold out your hands."

Heather did as she was told, and a glowing, golden liquid flowed from the drum, through the waters of Keith's arm, and poured into Heather's cupped hands.

"Now drink."

Heather swallowed the liquid in one gulp. It burned on the way down, and a burning pain lodged itself in her stomach. At once, she felt tingling and numbness in her hands and feet.

"D-Dad? What's happening? I-"

A powerful current surged from behind and lifted her up and out of the river. She stumbled onto the far bank. She looked down at her hands and feet and saw a thick brown crust was forming over them. Bark.

She turned and faced her father, panting from terror.

" _Dad_?!"

"Do not be afraid, child. All is well."

Heather raised her arms in the air, though she didn't immediately realize why. She soon found she could not move them. The bark covering her feet grew outwards, sending roots into the ground as her legs fused together. Bark crept down her arms as they lengthened and split into branches.

"Remember, another shall guide you. A friend. The Spirit of the Forest. You will meet him soon. Farewell, my daughter. I love you."

Heather's heaving, panicked breaths were soon stilled as bark encircled her torso, and her body solidified into wood. Sharp stabs of pain erupted all over, first from the top of her head, then from her neck, shoulders, back and chest and new branches sprouted and grew. Finally, the bark enveloped her face. As the bark transformed her eyes and brain, all went dark and still.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

A brief word on the Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River, a.k.a. "Keith." There are a lot of things and characters in Adventure Time with the descriptor "ancient" and/or "sleeping," e.g., Magwood, the Ancient Sleeping Lava Dog (S6E24, "Evergreen), or the Ancient Sleeping Magi of Life Giving (S5E8, "Mystery Dungeon"). Our buddy ASGOTGR is supposed to be a similar type of being to Darren the Ancient Sleeper (S6E10), but water-themed instead of earth-themed.

What are these ancient beings? What ties them together? What ancient era do they originate from? We'll never know.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Pablo trudged through the forest, at wits end with frustration. Exhausted and filthy, his suit was torn and soiled. As he walked, he cursed himself for a fool. Approaching Heather at the funeral had been a mistake. Of course, in her bereavement, she could not help but see him as nothing but a villain. His clumsy attempt to smooth things over had only made things worse.

If only he had waited! A few days, perhaps, and Heather would be calm and somewhat more willing to listen.

If only he hadn't run away. If he had faced his fear and stayed to fight that wretched, terrifying snake, what then? Would Tabitha still be alive?

He could not quite silence the nagging voice in the back of his head that told him, _maybe_ , he had no _right_ to ask forgiveness.

He dismissed such cheerless thoughts with a shake of his head. No. Pablo _would_ find Heather, and he _would_ make things better. Somehow, he swore, he would think of something to say that would make her forgive him. At least Heather's trail was easy to follow.

Suddenly, a deep, stentorian noise echoed through the forest. It sounded almost like a moan of grief, though far too deep and loud to be anything human-like. Nor did it sound like it was far away.

Pablo froze in place and held his breath for several seconds. The sound died away, leaving only the sounds of the forest. He strained, and thought at last to hear the faint echo of voices. Could that be Heather? His heart ached, and he could not restrain himself.

" _Heeeaaatheeerrr!_ " he screamed.

He lit out in a run in the direction of that deep, booming sound. What could it have been? It occurred to Pablo he might be running into danger, but that only made him run faster. If Heather was in trouble, he would hesitate this time. He would prove he was no coward.

The sounds grew closer, and Pablo perceived two: one, unmistakably Heather, and the other a deep, inhuman rumble. As the land gradually sloped downward, Pablo realized he was nearing the river. He burst through the trees, and his heart leapt with terror at what he saw.

A hulking monster stood in the center of the river, towering some ten feet above the surface. Pablo had never seen its like; some sort of golem, or rock giant? There was no time to speculate, as the creature turned, and regarded him with a pair of haunting yellow eyes. It spoke in a voice like grinding boulders.

"Ah, hello. You must be Pablo," it said.

Pablo, wishing desperately for a bow, planted his feet on the riverbank and stood his ground.

"How do you know my name?!" he demanded.

His voice sounded more like a terrified boy than a hero. He coughed, and tried again.

"What have you done with Heather, _you monster_?!"

The creature snorted, and seemed faintly amused.

"Heather? You mean, _my daughter_? Fear not, she is well. And closer than you think."

"Wait, _daughter_?"

Pablo racked his brain, and remembered something Heather had told him on their first date.

"It's you! Heather's father! That...that river god!"

"Correct. I am the Ancient Sleeping Guardian of the Glowing River," he said. Then, in a darker tone, "Heather has told me all about you, and how my beloved wife sacrificed herself to save you, while you ran away."

Pablo broke out in a cold sweat, realizing just who he was talking to. His impression on Heather's father could well influence his atonement with Heather. He gathered his composure and spoke in a pleading tone.

"My sincerest condolences, Sir Guardian. I know I've made some mistakes, but I can't let my relationship with Heather end this way! Please, sir, I just want to talk to her."

"You are welcome to try."

The creature moved aside, and gestured with his watery arms to a small tree on the far bank. Pablo squinted in confusion.

"Where...where is Heather?" said Pablo.

"Look _closer_ , mortal."

Pablo examined the tree more closely, and noticed that it bore an uncanny resemblance to a human figure. Recognition struck him, and he gasped.

" _Heather_? No...no, _no_!"

He ran forward, heedless of the rushing water. His feet cleared the bottom, and the thrashed forward through the current, nearly drowning himself. When he reached the far bank he was sobbing.

The resemblance only grew as he approached the tree. He reached out and grasped the burl of wood that had once been Heather's face, now wreathed in a mane of leaves. Her features, transformed into patterns of bark, were frozen in a look of terror.

Pablo rounded on the Guardian.

" _What have you done to her?!_ " he screamed.

"I did only what she asked of me," said the Guardian.

Pablo fell to his knees and outstretched his hands in a gesture of supplication.

" _Please_ , sir, change her back!"

"Perhaps my daughter would rather be a tree, than talk to you. Aye, verily, who could blame her?"

The Guardian gave a tremendous yawn and began to settle into the river.

"Alas, the transformation has left me terribly drained. I must slumber yet again."

"But-"

"I bear you no ill-will, mortal. You are young, and foolish. I wish you peace. I wish you wisdom. I wish you far, far away from my daughter. And by the way, if you intend to shake loose your mortal coil, please do it some other way than drowning. I don't want your corpse stinking up my river."

And with that, the creature vanished beneath the churning surface of the water.

Pablo doubled over and wept for what seemed an eternity. At last, he steeled his nerves, stood up, and again faced the repellant thing that had been his girlfriend.

There it was, the same uncannily Heather-like tree. He approached it and again cradled the face in his hands.

"Forgive me, Heather," said Pablo.

He kissed her, feeling nothing but rough bark beneath his lips. He realized, to his dismay, that he had been half-expecting her to change back. He shook his head and stood back.

No. He would have no choice but to live with this tragic farce for the rest of his life. Hoping to numb his raging emotions, he fixated on the tree, and studied its every detail. He was not quite able to convince himself it was really just a tree, and not his beloved Heather, transformed.

However, as he studied it, he observed that although some of the branches had clearly once been Heather's arms, several other branches had sprouted about her head, back, and shoulders. A sudden, poetic impulse struck Pablo.

 _Yes_ , he thought, _I must carry a reminder of this day, that I do not forget its lesson. I will carry a piece of my love forever._

Not wanting to deface her countenance on the "front" of the tree, he selected a stout branch that seemed to grow from her back. He gripped it in both hands and shifted his weight, preparing to snap it off in a single mighty heave…

* * *

In the inviolate darkness between death and rebirth, Heather found her mind.

She gasped and opened her eyes, but the world was not the same. She seemed to stand on the same riverbank, but everything was dark. Her eyes adjusted, and she began to notice bizarre details. The flowing river was replaced with a texture of static, and the ground was a crawling pattern of jagged purple lines.

"Where am I?" she said.

"Greetings, young one," said a bland male voice.

Heather started, and tried to turn, but found she could barely move. She was frozen in place, holding her arms up in the air.

A strange creature walked into view. Its body consisted of three pale green spheres of different sizes, stacked on top of one other to form a tapering pear-shaped mass, from which extended a set of ordinary looking arms and legs. The smallest sphere at the top, the "head" had a pair of large black eyes, a drooping nose, and a long mane of red hair tied back with a fillet of woven leaves. A wide grinning mouth was situated on the larger sphere below, the "chest."

"Who are you?" said Heather.

"I am the Spirit of the Forest, and I will be your guide," said the creature.

"My guide? You mean, you're my father's friend, right? The one who's going to teach me to be a wizard? Um...why can't I move?"

The Spirit of the Forest chuckled softly.

"Oh, Heather. So many questions. If you'd just listen, you'd hear all the answers."

"Listen? What?"

"Just _listen_."

Heather obeyed, and fell silent. At first she heard nothing, and then, she heard _music_.

It was a deep, soft music, that seemed to grow louder the more she listened. It was neither happy, nor sad. It crashed and swelled, only to quiet and fade, waxing and waning in an endless cycle. She was shocked to realize that she recognized the music, and in fact, had been hearing it constantly her whole life, but had never truly listened.

It was like no mortal music she had ever heard. At first, it was breathtakingly beautiful. She almost wanted to cry. But strange thoughts swam through her head, and she felt a powerful longing for...what? To dissolve, to return her constituent atoms to the cosmos as was her fate. To surrender to that hideous siren call, and cease to exist.

"What _is_ that?" she breathed.

"That, my dear apprentice, is the Song of the Forest. Get used to it."

" _Huh_?"

"You know, my deepest condolences for the loss of your mother."

"My...my mother…"

"Magic always comes at a terrible price, and right now, you're paid up for about half. You've got the sadness, sweetheart. Now all you need is some _madness_."

Before she could ask this frustratingly cryptic thing what he meant, the sky of the horizon began to lighten, with the dull red glow of dawn.

Heather somehow remembered she wasn't even facing East, but South.

"The sun's coming up. Stare directly into it, for as long as you can."

" _What_? Stare into the sun? I'll go blind!"

"You're a tree, Heather. You need light. It will allow you to _see_."

The sun was rising unnaturally fast, and soon it was high in the sky. Heather was able to tilt her head up to look at it, and immediately winced as the brilliant light stabbed her eyes.

But soon, her eyes adjusted. She felt like she had never _really_ looked into the sun. It was bright, yes. Blinding, even. But it was beautiful. Its light was the most beautiful thing Heather had ever seen. It nourished her. And true to the Spirit of the Forest's word, she _saw_.

The sun illuminated for her the secrets of the universe: she saw the darkness at the center of all creation, and glimpsed the red, idiot god that waited there to devour it all. And she saw the faint, frighteningly tenuous web of light that held the beast at bay. The gossamer strands were made of symbols, which formed instructions and rules which seared themselves upon her brain as she viewed them. This web of logic formed the foundation of the universe.

And it was all arbitrary. It was weak. It could all be _changed._

* * *

Suddenly, Heather was struck in the shoulder by an unfathomable, white-hot pain. The vision fell apart into a sea of static, and she screamed.

"Sp-spirit! _What-_ "

The Spirit of the Forest appeared, looking slightly annoyed.

"Oh, dog-trangit," he said, "Sorry, Heather. We'll have to finish this lesson later."

And everything went dark again.

* * *

Heather's vision returned, and she was back on the riverbank in the physical world. She was still frozen in place, and still screaming. The bark that had been her skin began to change back, receding like a wave spreading out from her screaming mouth. Branches shrank and retracted into her body, and soon she could move her arms. Her roots retracted into her feet, and she stumbled. All the while she screamed from the splitting pain in her shoulder.

Someone had gripped her by her good shoulder and was shaking her. Someone was shouting at her. As her confused senses settled, she looked up and recognized him.

"Heather! I'm so sorry! For Glob's sake, speak to me!" said Pablo.

Her lip curled in disgust and she swatted him away.

"What the _blood_ , Pablo! Can't you see I was in the middle of something?! GAH! My shoulder…! What did you do?"

Heather reached back and touched where the pain was most concentrated, right above her right shoulder blade. Her hand came back red with blood.

Pablo stood there, clutching a tree branch to his chest. The broken end was likewise stained red. Heather felt her anger rising as she realized what he had done, yet she paused. Pablo was staring at her, mouth agape, an expression of mounting horror written on his face.

"Heather...what happened to your _hair_?" he wheezed.

"My hair? What?"

Taken aback, she reached up to feel it.

"What's wrong with my ha-"

She felt a leaf on her head, and tried to brush it away, only to feel more leaves. And more. Where was her hair? She pulled herself to her feet. Pablo tried to help her, but she shoved him away. She staggered down to the water's edge and squinted, trying to make out her reflection.

She did not recognize the face that stared back up at her. Just as she had feared, her dark hair had been transformed into a mane of leaves. The sclera of her eyes had turned green, and her pupils had narrowed into vertical slits. A pair of curving branches had sprouted from the top of her head, like antlers.

Heather reached up with trembling hands and touched them. They were real. It was all _real_. She felt faint.

"Is that... _me_?" she whispered.

"Not anymore, it isn't," came a voice from behind.

She whirled around and saw the Spirit of the Forest leaning against a tree, same bland expression on his face.

"What did you _do_ to me?"

"I...you turned into a tree, and I thought...oh, I'm sorry! I broke a branch off! I don't know what I was thinking," said Pablo.

"Huh?" she said, turning to Pablo.

"He can't see me," said the Spirit of the Forest, "Like any predator, he has eyes only for his prey."

Pablo was moving closer, one hand outstretched, the other still clutching the bloody branch. She stared at him, as if seeing him for the first time. It was as if a veil had been removed from her vision. He was not the perfect boy that she had fallen in love with. And she was not the naive girl that had loved him. The last of her old identity broke off and fell away.

"Heather, _please_ -"

" _Don't call me that_!" she screamed.

Pablo cringed backwards, and the whole forest seemed to quake as she spoke. A dread power awoke within her and began to pour from between the cracks of her clenched fists in the form of amber light.

"Heather is _dead_. I am… _Huntress Wizard_! And I don't need you. I don't need _anybody_!"

"Mm, not quite," said the Spirit of the Forest.

Huntress Wizard thrust out her palm and projected a bolt of power, aimed for Pablo's head. He ducked, and ran. Huntress Wizard watched him go, running down the bank of the river, gasping with terror. When he was a hundred yards downstream, he stopped and looked back. Huntress Wizard extended her palm and prepared to shoot at him again. He dove into the river, and soon passed from sight.

"Not bad, for your first spell, my apprentice," said the Spirit of the Forest.

"So what happens now?" said Huntress Wizard.

"Go home and sleep for eight hours. Your next lesson begins as soon as you hit your REM cycle."

With that said, the Spirit of the Forest seemed to twist himself into a spiral, which dwindled to nothing. He was gone in an instant.

* * *

Huntress Wizard returned to her, or rather, to _Heather's_ old cabin. She rested, and the Spirit of the Forest came to her in her dreams, revealing to her the secrets of nature.

She marveled at her newfound senses. Her vision sharpened, revealing things unseen: spirits and monsters that moved through the spaces between worlds. Her hearing was keener, her reflexes quicker, and now she heard the Song of the Forest at all times. It beckoned to her, tempting her to relinquish her mind and become one with them.

The trees that Tabitha had felled to build her cabin were long dead, and did not sing. Huntress Wizard felt claustrophobic, and worse, she felt like an interloper. She could not bear to remain, as this was no longer her home.

At first, she agonized over what she might take with her, into her new life. But soon, she realized, material goods were of little value to a wizard, who could shape reality with their mind.

She put a few changes of clothing in a bag, along with her flute. Heather's flute? The distinction was becoming tiresome. She put a whetstone in her bag, for the good knife she put in a sheath in her boot. And, though she hardly needed it, she took Tabitha's bow. Her _mother's_ bow.

Try as she might, Huntress Wizard could not stop thinking of Tabitha as her mother. That pain would never go away.

Cooking implements, tools, boxes and jars for storage, a pithy handful of books. Dross. Detritus. She set the cabin on fire. As it burned, she disappeared into the forest, and did not look back.

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

If you're wondering how there could be a section from Pablo's POV when the whole framing device of this story is Huntress Wizard telling a story to Finn, there's a very simple explanation: I am a bumbling dilettante! I slapped my forehead when I realized what I'd done, but I'm not getting rid of it. Pablo is meant to be a deeply flawed character whose actions are mostly in the wrong, but I wanted an antagonist a little bit more nuanced than, say, Gaston, from "Beauty and the Beast," who was my original model. This section helps with that.

Also, that mystical mumbo-jumbo that Heather experiences in tree-form is my attempt to explore what Huntress Wizard's "madness" might be. In S6E38, "You Forgot Your Floaties," when Betty is explaining her research into "magical madness and sadness," or MMS, we see a montage of wizards suffering from it. One of the scenes is Huntress Wizard fused with a tree, pretending to be a branch. I think that's supposed to be her form of "madness."

So why does she do that? I was reminded of Ursula K. le Guin's Wizard of Earthsea, where wizards can transform into animals, but if they stay transformed too long they'll lose their humanity and forget how to change back. I thought something like that would be a neat idea for Huntress Wizard's "madness," i.e., she feels an irresistible pull to become part of nature and experience "ego death," and turning into a branch or a tree is her way of temporarily indulging that desire.

Also, _also_ , do you have any _idea_ how tempted I was to make Keith say, "Honestly? Mood," with regards to Heather turning into a tree? Hilarious as that would be, I felt it would be tonally jarring.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"Oh, dang. And that was it, huh? Then you moved into this place and just kept on being Huntress Wizard?" said Finn.

"Pretty much. I just sort of...lived in the forest for a while, until the Spirit of the Forest taught me how to sculpt these trees into a house. Then I met Forest Wizard, and he showed me Wizard City. I lived there for a while, too...but that's another long story."

"How did you feel? After you burned the cabin?"

"I don't know. I mean, I didn't feel _anything_...it was just something I had to do. That life was over. Ending that, _deciding_ to end it, that's what really hurt."

Finn leaned in then and kissed her; a long, soft, caring kiss. They sat there embracing one another for a time. Night had fallen as Huntress Wizard had spoke, and all was dark. Eventually, they stood up.

"Well...I should get going," said Finn.

Without a word, Huntress Wizard nodded, and Finn kissed her again. He turned and headed towards the door.

"Hey, Finn?" she said.

"Yes?"

She had not turned on the mushrooms, and Finn only saw her as a pair of green eyes floating in the dark, and could not make out her expression.

"I've decided. I'm going to fix this place up. Grow another room, maybe get some indoor plumbing. And then, you could just move in with me. I mean, if you want to…"

"I'd love to!" said Finn, beaming, "Oh, this will be great! Tomorrow I'll ask Jake to help me carry some stuff over from my danked up tree house, and we'll work something out."

"Thanks, Finn. And good night."

"Good night, Huntress Wizard! I love you."

"I love you, too."

Finn stepped out into the darkened forest and set out for Lady Rainicorn's house. A thousand thoughts jostled for attention in his mind, though all of them related to Huntress Wizard. He was excited for what the future held for the two of them.

His reverie was broken, however, when he sensed sudden movement ahead of him. And more from behind. He realized he was not alone. He drew his sword and dropped into a fighting stance.

"Who's there! Show yourself, you dirt-stalking footpad!"

A silhouette stepped out from behind the trees, and blinded Finn with a beam of light. Finn winced, and as his vision adjusted, he saw a man with a flashlight. He spoke, and his tone was low and threatening.

"Hello, Finn" said Pablo, "How's it going? How's _Heather_?"

"Pablo! What do you want?"

"Oh, not much. I've just been wondering: what _does_ Heather see in you? Huh? What do you have that I don't?"

"Okay, _first of all_ , that's not her name anymore. It's 'Huntress Wizard,' now. You're being a real-time ding wad when you call her that. Second, dude, that is _so_ not how it works."

Finn perceived crashing in the underbrush behind him, and an arrow embedded itself in the ground far to his left.

"OMG, hax! That was the perfect shot!"

Finn turned and saw a black boxy robot with a red screen for a face. It was awkwardly holding a bow in its undersized hands.

"Not _yet_ , WASD! For creeps' sake!" cried Pablo.

"I don't want to fight you, Pablo. Huntress Wizard told me all about you. You just need to accept it, attracting forces come and-"

"Don't _lecture_ me, Finn!" Pablo snapped.

He lowered the flashlight somewhat, and Finn could more clearly perceive his face. His expression was contorted in anger, and also hurt.

"I'm not going to fight you. Not yet, anyway. I need to know what it is Heath-, I mean, _Huntress Wizard_ , sees in you. I'm a better archer than you, obviously, though I was never much of a swordsman."

Pablo put the flashlight on the ground and pulled something from beneath his cloak, Finn tensed and prepared to rush him, until he saw that it was a lyre.

"You play the flute, right? Let's see who's a better musician!"

"Huntress Wizard doesn't love me just because I play the flute, Pablo."

"Oh?" said Pablo, one eyebrow raised, "That's not what _I_ heard. I was asking around, today. Word on the street is, you serenaded her for a week before you started dating."

Finn sighed, but produced his flute from his backpack anyway. He was beginning to take pity on Pablo. Perhaps if he could just stall for time he could settle this without having to beat him up.

The robot, WASD, stepped forward and stood between them.

"I, of course, will be your judge. As a being of pure logic, I am completely impartial. My spectral analyzer will compare your respective playing for maximum rock-itude."

"Are you ready for the serving of a lifetime, Finn the Human?"

Finn doubted that WASD was really impartial, but began playing anyway. He improvised a simple melody, and Pablo matched him. Finn had to admit, he _was_ good with the lyre. Soon they were harmonized, and playing at the height of their respective skill. The song reached its climax, and they both stopped.

"Well, WASD? Who's the better player?" said Pablo.

"Hmm…" said WASD.

A pair of quivering spectral plots filled the robot's screen for a moment. They vanished, and his digital face reappeared.

"Sorry, Pablo. But Finn's just as good as you."

" _What_? Impossible!"

"Now will you leave me alone?" said Finn.

"No! Not until I figure out who is better! We need a tie breaker! Uh…I know! Can you play your instrument, _like this_?"

Pablo flipped his lyre upside down and proceeded to play it that way, though his playing was somewhat slower and awkward. Finn tried the same with his flute and immediately saw that it was physically impossible.

"Ugh, whatever! That's dumb, anyway."

"Whoa…" said WASD, clearly amazed.

"Never mind. Pablo, you're the greatest," said WASD.

"Ha ha! Yes!"

"Big whoop. That still won't impress Huntress Wizard," said Finn.

"Then we're going to stay out here until we find something that _will_!" Pablo said, through gritted teeth.

He pulled the bow off his back, and Finn again drew his sword. His only hope, he knew, was to rush Pablo and get in close enough that his bow would be useless. Before he could move, though, another voice spoke that chilled him to the bone.

"I thought your playing was lovely, Finn…"

Pablo gasped. He snatched up his flashlight and shone it into the forest in the direction the voice had come.

"That voice! I'd know that voice anywhere!"

A dark and massive shape emerged from the gloom, seeming to slip between the trees. A dozen serpentine necks rose from the central mass, glaring down at them all through luminous yellow eyes. At the center of the writhing coil was a snake head larger than all the others, and it was the one that spoke.

"... _charming_ , you could say."

" _Snake Queen!_ " cried Pablo.

"Uh, sorry bro! This one's a little too leet for me!" WASD said, before running away screaming, vanishing into the underbrush.

The robot's departure went unnoticed. Finn had dropped into a fighting stance, but Pablo just stood there, mouth agape.

"But...but how did you find me? My magic feather was supposed to hide me from your senses!" said Pablo.

The Snake Queen gave forth a raspy chorus of hisses, which seemed to be her laugh.

"And indeed, it did! Long did I despair of ever finding you again. But then, I heard such _charming_ music…"

With this, she inclined her massive head in Finn's direction.

"...and, oh! What providence! When I investigated, I found you! You, murderer of one of my cherished consorts. And now you will pay. Accept your-"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Finn shouted.

At once, the massive snake head, and several of the lesser heads, swung low to hover level with Finn's head.

"Who are you? Why do you interrupt my business?" said the Snake Queen.

Finn swallowed hard, and spoke in a level voice.

"Leave him alone, Snake Queen. Pablo had no way of knowing that snake was your consort."

Pablo stared at him in amazement. The Snake Queen, meanwhile, reared back and hissed in outrage.

" _Disrespectful insect_! You know nothing of my struggle! I need my consorts, _all_ of them, that I may smother this world in my writhing progeny! This wretched creature must-"

"Hey!" Finn shouted.

" _What_?"

"You killed my _girlfriend's mother_ ," said Finn.

His voice was low and dangerous, and shook with emotion. He gripped his sword tighter.

"Hey, Pablo!" said Finn.

Pablo started at hearing his name called.

"Huh?!"

"You ready to resolve an arc?"

"What? Finn, I don't-"

" _Cover me!_ "

The Snake Queen lunged at Finn, her massive jaws and those of the lesser heads all snapping futilely at the air. Finn dove clear and landed on his feet. As he was getting his bearings, several more of the smaller snake heads lunged at him, and with a shock Finn realized he couldn't get out of the way in time.

Before they could strike, the snake heads were pierced by a hail of arrows, falling to the ground, dead. Finn looked up and saw that Pablo had moved several yards away, and was frantically firing his bow into the knot of snakes.

"Uh, yeah! G-go get her Finn! I've got your back!"

" _Noooo! My consorts!_ " the Snake Queen shrieked.

The whole mass shifted to face Pablo and began to flow in his direction. Seeing an opening, Finn jumped. He landed squarely on the pile and began running up the Snake Queen's back. The snake heads darted at him, but he leapt over them, while others were pierced by arrows.

The Snake Queen's flailing neck was too unstable, and Finn slipped. He fell and grasped for purchase on her rough scales. He began to climb, sword in his meat hand.

He reached the base of the Snake Queen's head and held the Night sword aloft, it's blade angled downward for a killing blow. The blade seemed to vibrate in anticipation.

And then the world fell away. With an irritated flick of her head, the Snake Queen sent Finn tumbling up into the air. He spun end over end, unable to orient himself, only to land in the Snake Queen's open mouth.

Finn felt a stab of pain in his thigh as the jaws snapped shut. He had been bitten. He lay trapped in the Snake Queen's mouth, his feet kicking in air. The Snake Queen gave a deep, triumphant hiss that was nearly deafening with his head hanging directly above her gullet. Her head began to tilt back, and Finn realized she was about to swallow him whole.

The Night sword roared to life and became sheathed in a purple flame, illuminating the glistening darkness. With a shout, Finn drove the blade straight up, piercing the roof of the Snake Queen's mouth.

The Snake Queen froze for a moment, then began to twitch. The twitching soon became a wild thrashing, accompanied by a shriek of pain. The huge jaws unclenched, and Finn was thrown clear, dragging the Night sword out with him.

He landed in the dirt and skidded to a halt. He rolled over and tried to push himself up, but couldn't.

He could not feel his lower body.

The Snake Queen's shrieking became a death rattle, and her spasms became sluggish until she finally lay still. The surviving lesser snakes regarded their queen with amazement. They began to speak.

"She's...she's _dead_ …" said one.

"She's _dead_!" said another.

"We...we're finally _free!_ "

"We're free!"

" _We're free!_ "

The lesser snakes began to unweave themselves from the knotted coil, and one by one they slithered away.

Pablo ran over to Finn and knelt beside him.

"Finn! Dear Glob! Are you- oh! Oh, _no_."

Pablo looked down and saw the wound in Finn's thigh. His face fell.

Finn tried again to stand, but found the numbness was spreading up his torso. Fighting down his rising panic, he began to grope around his backpack for his phone.

"I'll...I'll be fine. I just need to call PB. If she can airlift me to the Candy Kingdom Hospital in time, I-"

"No, Finn, wait. There's no need," said Pablo.

He reached down the front of his vest and pulled out a small silver phial, which he wore on a chain around his neck. He unstoppered it and offered it to Finn.

"Here, drink this," he said.

He poured a small quantity of bitter fluid down Finn's throat, and he coughed. Immediately, a warmth began to spread from Finn's stomach to his extremities, banishing the numbness entirely. All feeling returned, leaving only the pain of his flesh wound.

"Did it work?" said Pablo.

"Heck yeah! I don't feel poisony at all! What was that stuff?"

"Poison cure potion. The good, universal kind. I've been carrying it around as a precaution, ever since…"

"Slamacow! That must have cost-"

"A fortune. Please don't ask me what I had to do to get it."

Pablo helped him to his feet, then looked down.

"Finn...I think I know what it is that you have, and I don't."

"Oh yeah? Did you have one of those near-death epiphanies?"

"Kind of. I mean, I...I was _strongly_ tempted to run away, and leave you to your fate."

"Because then I'd be out of your way, and you could try to date Huntress Wizard again. Right? So why didn't you?"

"You saved my life, Finn. I'm not sure I'd have done the same for you."

Finn shrugged, as if it weren't a big deal. He couldn't help but grin, though.

"Hey, no prob, Pab. That's what heroes do. Slay monsters, save the innocent, you know, all that jazz."

"Still, I want you to have this. As a token of my thanks."

Pablo picked up his bow and presented it to Finn. Finn took it, and ran his meat hand over the surface of the bow. The texture of the wood seemed oddly familiar. Something clicked in Finn's head, and he remembered something Huntress Wizard had said.

"Pablo, this...this is a piece of Huntress Wizard! You carved it out of that branch!"

"She told you about that? Yes, you are right. I broke a branch off of her body when she was transformed into a tree, and later I carved it into this bow. I swore I'd have the rest of her one day, but...well. You deserve her more than I do."

"Wow...thanks man. I don't know what to say."

Pablo looked down at Finn's leg and grimaced.

"Dude, maybe you should call Princess Bubblegum _after all_ …"

* * *

The following morning, Finn was laying on a cot, set up in a pavilion tent amid the ruins of the Candy Kingdom. The hospital had been destroyed in the battle with Golb, and construction was still underway. Other injured candy folk lay nearby, with Dr. Icecream and Dr. Princess attending to them.

Finn's leg had been bandaged up, and Nurse Poundcake stood over him, going over his discharge instructions.

"Change the bandages every day until fully healed, and keep it dry. And stay off of it, for blood's sake! You're lucky you didn't end up with a second rad cyborg limb."

"Heh heh, we'll see," said Finn.

The flaps at the end of the tent flung open, and Jake appeared in the entrance, Huntress Wizard astride his back. Jake stretched his forepaws across the tent and practically flung himself by Finn's cot.

"Finn! You okay, buddy? Another grievous, life-threatening injury?" said Jake.

"Hey, Jake! Nah, nothing too bad this time. Just a little snakebite," said Finn.

Nurse Poundcake rolled her eyes and moved to attend her other patients.

"Still life threatening, you know," she said.

Huntress Wizard dismounted and stood there, staring down at Finn with a grave expression on her face.

"Did you say...a _snakebite_?" said Huntress Wizard.

"Oh yeah, I brought your lady friend," said Jake, "We came by as soon as she, uh, came by and asked where you were. I mean, _I_ knew you were fine…"

Huntress Wizard knelt beside Finn's cot and spoke softly.

"Finn...last night I felt a strand of fate that bound me pull taught and snap. That was you, wasn't it? What did you _do_?"

"Yeah, I had a pretty busy night. I killed the Snake Queen!"

"You _what_?!" said Huntress Wizard.

"Whoa, man, did you resolve a character arc?" said Jake.

"You know it, man," said Finn.

"Finn, why were you fighting the Snake Queen? What happened?" said Huntress Wizard.

"Well, I was headed home and I ran into your ex, Pablo...I mean, it was more like an _ambush_ , but anyway…"

And so Finn proceeded to tell them of his encounter with Pablo and the Snake Queen. Through it all, Huntress Wizard listened attentively, her expression unreadable.

"Then Pablo gave me this, to thank me for saving his life."

Finn produced Pablo's bow from underneath the cot and held it up for Huntress Wizard to see. She took it and ran her hands over the wood surface.

"Dude, nice," said Jake.

"Yeah, this bow kind of used to be part of Huntress Wizard's body," said Finn.

"Wait, what? Seriously?" said Jake.

"Yeah, she turned into a tree this one time, and her ex broke off a branch...it's kind of messed up."

"Man, wizard stuff is confusing, huh?"

"Oh! Right, uh Huntress Wizard, you can have that back if you want. It's part of you, after all."

She pressed the bow back into Finn's hands.

"If anyone should have it, it should be you, Finn. Besides, you needed a bow, right?" said Huntress Wizard.

Finn put the bow aside and placed his hand on hers.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Huntress Wizard sighed.

"It's fine, Finn. It's good that Pablo finally got the message. And I _guess_ it's a good thing that the Snake Queen isn't around anymore. It's just...well, I expected this news to feel a lot better."

"How _do_ you feel?" said Finn.

"I don't know. Gray?" said Huntress Wizard.

"I know that feel," said Finn.

Huntress Wizard smiled.

Jake looked on, beaming with pride. He shapeshifted into a loveseat with legs.

"Okay, let's get you crazy kids home, huh? Hop on!"

Finn and Huntress Wizard climbed on, and Jake swept out from under the tent.

"Oh hey, Jake! We were gonna start fixing up Huntress Wizard's house, today. Let's stop by the treehouse and see if we can salvage anything. That is...if you still want to, Huntress Wizard."

"Of course, I do, Finn!" she said.

"Oh my Grosh, Finn! You're finally moving out! I mean, _in_! With your girlfriend! I'm so proud of you! Alright, next stop, our skronked up treehouse!"

He stretched high up into the air and set out walking with tremendous long-legged strides. Finn and Huntress Wizard curled up beside each other up top.

"Wait, Finn, I thought of something else I feel," said Huntress Wizard.

"Oh yeah?" said Finn.

She placed her hands on either side of his face, and kissed him.

"When I became a wizard, I swore I would never love anything again. Thank you for changing my mind."

 **THE END**

* * *

 _Author's Notes_

And that's a wrap! Gosh, is that ending schmaltzy, or what? I really struggled with that ending. In any case, this was a lot of fun to write, and very cathartic. I don't think I've ever projected this hard in my life. If you've made it this far, thank you reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


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